Call me an elitist.  Call me a propagandist on the side of intellect, restraint and higher achievement in America's ongoing Culture War.  I don't care.  I don't freakin' care. 

Sue me.  Arrest me.  Throw me off a damn bridge somewhere. 

But some strange combination of honesty and irony compels me to report that everything one ever wanted or needed to know about  the two Americas currently at war with one another was on display during the 2010 World Series, deep in the heart of Texas. 

Prior to Game Three, the first World Series contest ever played in the DFW area, chunky little trailer-trash princess Kelly Clarkson, with her prison-grade tats and her strip mall haircut, belted out an a capella version of the Star Spangled Banner. 

I won't call it nauseating, but it was damn close.  Judge for yourself, below.

Watch the Ft. Worth native take the song's simple melody and embroider it with just about every vocal flourish known to man. It's a little like watching Bambi trying to navigate the ice.  

Clarkson is vocally all over the map, to the point that her rendition becomes far more about her and her (admittedly) impressive set of pipes than about the song she's singing -- or, God forbid, what that song actually represents.   

Like I said, judge for yourself.

Then, the very next night, a second Texan, Lyle Lovett, came out accompanied only by his band's cellist, John Higgin.  What the thinking man's troubadour offered up was a respectful, arms-by-his-side, simple yet deeply moving national anthem that did exactly what an anthem sung in front of a few thousand Texans should do: remind them that as sons and daughters of the Lone Star State they are able to gather and do things like watch baseball games and eat $6 hot dogs because of the sacrifices made by the brave men and women who came before them; people like William Travis, Jim Bowie and Davey Crockett.

I won't go on, since if you've somehow found this blog and have cared enough to read this far, I'm probably already preaching to the choir. 

And you already get my point.

(In the video below, please forgive the headset banter by Fox's production crew.  I'll post a clean copy when and if one becomes available.)